I thank the heavens for my growth over the past four years.
Once an overwhelmingly awkward freshman who got drunk twice off the minimum amount of alcohol - jungle juice and cran/vodka then three sips of that nasty ass four-fucking-loco - now a more level headed, only semi-slightly awkward graduate who can look at her boyfriend in his eyes. Eye contact is such a huge thing. (Although I still talk to any inanimate object close by when telling stories. There will always be need for improvement.)
I have learned that I am a mixture between a people person and a loner. That seems like a cop out (pick one!) but it’s true! I can mingle, ask people about themselves, pretend to listen and care; network. I can also stay in my room and watch countless episodes ofMad Men. During the four years at Marist, I have developed a sense of living for myself and not for others.
Chris and I have been at it for a little over a year now (a year and 10 days to be exact). Have you ever heard someone say that being with someone has made them a better person? As corny as that sounds, this relationship has done that for me. I have never been so focused on making something work. That feeling of loving and being loved is the best. No bragging here, just stating that it’s possible. Going from obsessing/playing it cool with someone who had their own agenda to this? I deserve it. I like this “we” and “us” business. Not saying it’s all sex and candy, we have our tiffs here and there, but our love has become…easy.
Another thing…I realized how truly fortunate I am for my friends back home, as well as the friends I’ve made at Marist. I have some talented people in my life. Although some of us have grown apart, what remains evident is the love that is shared.
At the commencement, there was an emphasis on family. Blood is thicker than water in a literal sense, but I have grown to believe that family doesn’t necessarily mean your blood-relatives or close members. If we had the choice to chose our family, the world would be more chaotic and ultimately unpleasant for everyone. But hey, it’s worth a try, no? lol…. Sometimes it’s easier to hold onto mixed feelings based on small things like the current non-existent relationship I have with my sister that stems from her stealing $12 worth of minted quarters from me than to forgive. Or to lock my phone every time I’m not near it because I don’t trust my mother.
You don’t like something? Change it. There is no way I want to purchase a house with my family. What I have realized is the importance of taking them in doses. I envision my future life with limited stressors and wide open space filled with fresh air. Neither one will be available to me unless I move - away. Start my own family. You know what’s funny? Even after all of this, I’m still lucky to have them. No one’s on drugs, no alcoholics, my daddy ain’t beating me, there are no younger siblings to take care of, no baby daddies…no babies, no gang fights, no evictions, no cock fights, no…nothing. Every problem that exists branches from a huge trunk called “LACK OF COMMUNICATION”. Now I’m worried that may be worse….
It seems like my ultimate lesson is to do what I need to do for my happiness. This does not include bypassing everyone or being selfish. It means not forgetting the goal. I have a degree, I have a passion for writing, I want to volunteer. Marist has taught me the importance of tying everything together - keeping everything incorporated, managing this account called life.
